May God Have Mercy On Me.

My dear readers, friends, beloved followers...

I never imagined that this day would come. I never...no...my fingers tremble as I write...oh, I am afraid!

Beloved friends, I am afraid to say that I have been found out.

Thomas and I. Our relationship has been discovered. As well as my relations with my Dereham before marrying the king. I...I don't know what I can say. It all happened so fast, I can scarcely recall what occurred. However, beloved readers, I will try to retell it all so that you may know.

As I have said before, I knew that when those two came back into my life, trouble was about to start.

Well, as it turns out, one of the ladies at the court was talking to her brother, John Lascelles, about my relationship with Dereham. He then saw fit to alert Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury.

(Quite rude, by the way. I wish he had minded his own business.)

Cranmer told my husband of his suspicions. At first Henry VIII did not believe him (bless his heart), but they found my letter to Culpeper and Cranmer has managed to convince him of my infidelity. Afterwards, I was arrested. I have been given strict instructions that I may not see him...I heard that he was so outraged and and angry about learning of my affair that he asked for a sword to cut my throat. O king! O husband! How quickly you changed your love for me to bitterness!

They took Dereham, Culpeper, and some of the ladies who know of my affairs with them to the tower, tortured them, and got them to confess. Among them were Lady Rochford. I knew I couldn't trust her. Yet I did...

They questioned me, asked me about my pre-contract with Dereham and if it had really happened. I knew it would bring me more trouble; I said no. I told them I am innocent--well, here is exactly what I said:

"I am innocent of all charges and will never admit to these lies.  If there is any ground of truth in these statements, then it is because of childish ignorance and the evil companions with whom I was formally surrounded.  I also seek to state, that I am faithful to the King and would never wish harm upon him.  I will seek his mercy, but not by admitting to these treacherous lies."

They asked me about my affair with Culpeper; I denied it all. I told them he raped me, took me by force, while he told them that he only entered the relationship because I was "dying of love" for him. How miserable it is that the closer we come to death, the easier it is for us to turn against each other--uncle against niece, lover against lover, husband against wife!

Dereham and Culpeper have been arrested, and they are sentenced to be hanged, drawn, and quartered. However, because the king loves Thomas so much, he has decided to reduce his sentence to a simple beheading. I could not bear to watch when they led those two men, my lovers, to be executed...

I myself was detained in Syon House, and I have hoped that the king will spare my life...

But alas, all hope is gone now. Parliament passed an Act of Attainder, which means that it is treason for me not to tell the king within 20 days of our marriage of my sexual history or to commit an act with the intent of treason--such as adultery. The act is retroactive, and thus...seals my fate.

My execution is tomorrow. February 13, 1542. Seven in the morning.

 I have asked for the block so that I may practice laying my head upon it when the time comes. O England! O God! I shake so much, I am so afraid of tomorrow morning...

Perhaps I have not been the most significant of the many wives of King Henry VIII...after all, I have borne him no children, left no great artistic masterpieces, changed nothing. But I like to think, that in some small way, I brought my king, my husband, some happiness and relief from life. I like to think that maybe he is not so angry as he seems, and rather sick with grief.

The morning bell tolls. Alas, has the night passed by so quickly? I hear the bells...

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

.....Seven...

So now it is farewell. I ask that God have mercy on me, and I pray that my king live long and prosperous the rest of his life.

I hear footsteps...so this is the end, beloved readers.

"I die a Queen, but I would rather have died the wife of Culpeper..."



(Video Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAojDns20M4)

I never thought I'd say this, but there are altogether too many men in the world.

Well, no, I suppose I don't really mean that.

But honestly, I do wish that certain old flames would stop popping up and causing trouble. I'm in a bit of a tight position and I don't know what I should do.

Ha, I suppose it's a bit late to be thinking of what I should do, since I've already done it. I'm still not sure I made the right choice...

Well, let me backtrack and actually tell you what happened.

Three words: Mannox and Dereham.

Yes, that means exactly what you think it means. They've come back into my life.

I suppose I always knew that Dereham would return; after all, he did promise to return and marry me. But I guess in my young, girlish mind, I never really expected that he would come back after I married the king. And now he has...

Anyways, he asked me to make him my personal secretary after finding out that I am already married. I'm a bit worried...I don't know what his intentions are...but anyways, I made him my secretary. I can only hope it's not a choice that will come back to haunt me.

Now, Mannox. He came back too and I made him my court musician. However, I'm worried about him too! I don't know if I can trust him--after all, he did write that letter to the Duchess telling her about Dereham and me...but I am still fond of him, and music is my greatest passion in life.

I just hope they don't reveal any secrets about my past...the king believes that I am an innocent, giggling girl...I don't want to tarnish his view of me.

Oh, here's something that has slipped my mind for the last several posts: I'm actually not really queen. I haven't had my coronation yet. They are waiting for me to bear an heir for Henry VIII and then they will crown me. There was a rumor while we were touring that I was pregnant and preparations for my coronation were in place. However...I somehow doubt it. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.

Pensively yours,

Catherine

Swoon! Thomas Culpeper!

Hello, friends! It has been a long time indeed, but then again, there hasn't been much to write about until just recently. (Don't worry, I'll get to it soon.) But first, an overview of my life as queen so far.

Life is wonderful. I take care to make sure the king is content, and he in return lavishes me with great gifts, expensive cloths, jewels, and spending money. He absolutely adores me, and while I don't exactly find him an attractive lover, in my own way I have a sort of affectionate love towards him.

But someone else has come into my life, and I do feel that I can love him in a lover's way. His name is Thomas Culpeper, and he is simply magnificent. He is a favorite of the king and one of the handsomest men I have ever laid eyes upon. He is the "gentleman of the privy chamber", whatever that is supposed to mean. In any case, I rather do like him. He often compliments me on my beauty and lively personality. Sigh.

The king and I are going to be embarking on a tour of  England in the summer. I have written a letter to Thomas that you can view here, if you would like.


Oh! I forgot to mention, it's not really as easy as it seems to have an affair when you're the queen. You get little privacy and mostly everyone knows about your life. However, I was able to get one of my ladies-in-waiting, Lady Rochford, to help us. She alerts me when Culpeper is in my chambers and someone is coming, and she helps us to arrange secret meetings. It's a bit ironic as she was the one who accused her own husband of committing adultery Anne Boleyn...


Well, I must go now! Thomas is waiting for me!


Until next time, Catherine "Culpeper" (teehee) Howard.

Annulment and A Wedding

So the other day I was listening in on some conversations, and I heard my relatives debating about my ability to be queen.

First of all, they are worried about marrying another of our family into the royal bloodline. After all, just look where my cousin (may God keep her soul) ended up...

They are also worried about my maturity, as mentioned before. According to them, I am only a child compared to his previous wives, Anne Boleyn and Jane Seymour. Both of his wives spent years in the royal service before they became queen, so they had a lot more experience than I do. They also doubt me because of my lack of an education. I suppose that's fair, but...

Well, it doesn't matter, because they've decided to support the king's decision. I hear it's because they want to restore the king's favor to the family--the favor that Anne (dear cousin) lost. Also, since I'm Catholic, they think that if I marry the king, he'll stop all this Protestant nonsense with the "Anglican church" and return to the way of our Lord.

Anyways, back to the main events of these past few weeks.

As I predicted, Henry couldn't stand being married to Anne of Cleves. I'll give him some credit, he tried, but to be honest, the marriage was doomed from the start. He annulled their marriage and gave Anne some land and gifts. Personally, I think Anne looked pretty happy to be leaving too. Not that she is ungrateful or anything--far from it. I think she is a nice girl and I would like to get to know her better. The king intends to invite her to court often, so perhaps we can become friends soon.

I have a peculiar feeling that I have forgotten something...

Oh, yes. Today, just a few weeks after his annulled marriage...

...is our wedding day! The king (should I be calling him Henry?) gave me many great gifts and expensive jewels. I told him that my motto is "Non autre volonté que la sienne" or "No other wish but his"--meaning that I'll do all I can do make him happy. You can see my motto up above on the banner I made. He seemed quite pleased with that. Poor guy. Between all the wars and the trials of the English Reformation, he seems quite exhausted with life.

I'm so excited! I'm the queen of England now!

Oh, and just because I've been hearing rumors: no, I am not pregnant with his child. Seriously, guys. Remember, rumors are just rumors. You can't believe everything you hear.

Wise words for today brought to you by the one and only, Catherine Howard--now queen of England.

Meeting the King

Hello again! It's been a while since I've written, but only because so much has been going on. I shall do my best to write it all, although writing isn't my best subject.

 Let me first say this: I'm not the brightest girl around, but I knew something was up. I just knew it.

My uncle brought me to the court of the king to be a lady-in-waiting for the new bride of the King--Anne of Cleves. The portrait of her is quite beautiful, I have to admit:

 However, when she arrived...well, let's just say that the artist was very generous to her. I wouldn't say that she was ugly, exactly...but I just can't see her being the wife of a king. I don't think I ought to speak everything I think of her, however, since I am, after all, her lady-in-waiting. (Maybe not for long, but I'll get to that later).

Well, in any case, the king wasn't exactly pleased with his new bride. He later said that "She is nothing so fair as she hath been reported", and he believes he has been cheated. Also, I hear that he is thinking up something in order to try and avoid the marriage.

How do I know this? Well, my uncle has told me that I ought to spend some time with the king and get to know him as much as I can. I can't say for certain, but I have a feeling he was--well, I blush to put it down--but really, there is no other way to say it--I believe the king was...well...flirting with me.

It sounds terribly conceited and pompous, I know--what woman wouldn't want the king to pay her special attention?--but honestly, I do believe he was. He laughed at all my jokes and looked at me in quite the same way Dereham once did. Dereham...I do miss him.

Ahem. No point dwelling on the past, now. My uncle has told me that it is probably in my best favor to respond to his advances. I have, and now have heard many people talking about us--saying that the king finds me cheerful and full of life, and that he has no desire to marry Anne of Cleves...

...because he wants to marry me.

Let me repeat that, in case you didn't catch it.

King Henry VIII, the king of England, is in love. With me.

Isn't that exciting?! The king wants me, Catherine Howard, to be his bride! I mean, my parents and all of my relatives always told me that I was an attractive girl, but I never guessed that this would happen!

I hear my relatives are hesitant about my becoming his mistress, but I don't really care. They think I'm not bright enough to be queen of England. Well, let them doubt! It's not going to stop me.

As a last note: just so we have it clear, the king is presently in his 50s. I am 19. He is bloated, covered in sores, diseased, and generously endowed around the middle. All the same, he is the king, and a marriage to him would be a great honor to me.

(Image: http://www.tudorplace.com.ar/images/Cleves,Anne02.jpg)

Welcome to My Blog: The One and Only Catherine Howard!

Good evening, friends and citizens of England! Welcome to my blog! Perhaps I ought to introduce myself first.

My name is Catherine Howard. I was born in the year 1521 to the Lord Edmund Howard. My mother was a Culpeper, and I am the cousin of Anne Boleyn, the now-dead wife of Henry VIII. Rest in peace, cousin...

I am only the daughter of a duke, and not very well educated. Not that that is my fault, of course. While I was sent to live with my grandmother at Lambeth Palace, I stayed with the servant girls and never got much of an education. My grandmother (bless her heart) was rarely around to supervise me, so understandably I spent most of my days indulging in and frolicking. However, I can read and write, which is quite impressive, if I do say so myself.

As long as I am on the topic of my upbringing, I might as well mention a few other people in my life...particularly men.

When I was 11, I began music lessons under a man by the name of Henry Mannox. He taught me the flute and the virginal (seen below).

I must admit, I was very attracted to him. Our relationship continued until I was 16. Contrary to popular belief, I did NOT lose my virginity to him, thank you very much. I only "at sundry times to handle and touch the secret parts of my body".

After I ended it with Mannox, I began another relationship with a man by the name of Francis Dereham. He is the gentleman-pensioner of the household here, although I'm not really sure what exactly he does. In fact, I am going to leave my room and see him after I finish this post.

I am in love with Dereham. He is kind to me and gives me money and gifts. It's very sweet how we call each other husband and wife, and he often comes to my bedroom at night and spends the night with me. Something especially special happened with him. I don't remember when, but no matter. It was still magical . He "lay with me naked and used me in such sort as a man doth his wife". Oh, how I love Dereham!

I try to keep it a secret, but sometimes it's hard. Many of my roommates and  even the ladies in waiting know about it...I do hope the Duchess does not find out, but even if she did, it wouldn't change anything. I love Dereham and I intend to marry him one day.

Edit: Can you believe it! The nerve of that man! Mannox wrote a letter to the duchess about me and Dereham! Worse yet, she found us together in my chamber, and is very displeased. Dereham has decided to go to Ireland and make his fortune there, so he can return to me and marry me later. Oh my heart! Dereham!

 I am going to be moving in with my uncle soon as well. He has been asking for me lately and often asks me to come and sit with him. No one has said anything to me, but I sense that there is a change in the winds. Hmm.

Well, until next time, this has been Catherine!

(Image link : http://www.400pleasant.com/Virginal%5Bcolor%5D.jpg)